Ever wanted to meet your Mohel? Me neither.

Ever seen the movie Men in Tights? There is that scene where Rabbi Tuckman, played by Mel Brooks, is explaining what a Mohel does.

Scarlet: What, pray tell, sir, is a circumcision?

Rabbi Tuckman: It’s the latest craze. The ladies love it!

Little John: I’ll take one!

Ahchoo: Hey, put me down for two!

Robin Hood: I’m game. How’s it done?

Rabbi Tuckman: It’s a snap.

[demonstrates with a carrot and a miniature guillotine]

Rabbi Tuckman: I take my machine here, I take your little thing, I put it through this hole, and then…

One of the most awkward moments in my life was at my first nephew’s bris. I was in college and I traveled home to my parents for the occasion. Jen and I had just started dating. I don’t think I had invited her. The bris was going to take place in the living room on an old card table my parents have.

The Mohels (the guy who does the snip snip) walks up to me says hello and asks “how are you down there, everything working ok”?  I was shocked. What a strange thing to ask. I told my father, he laughed and told me he was the same Mohels who performed the bris on my brother and me, in the same room, on same table. I love my parent’s friends, they are like a second family to me. But they didn’t have to remind me that they were here in this room watch my Bris. I love them, but I hoped I peed on them as a little boy.

When the Bris happens, no one watches. At least none of the men do. Then we eat. That’s the part that Jen finds weird, eating in the same room as the Bris. The nice part of having a girl is no cringing snip snip moments.

To sing or not to sing…in Church

It’s the time of year when radio stations are full of Christmas music. Sirius XM has traditional, country, modern, and a few other random stations. I happen to love White Christmas and Winter Wonderland. And let me just say I do sing. I even enjoy singing. This may be a bit arrogant, but I have a nice voice. People have turned around at the end of a Jewish service and have complimented me on my voice. So it’s not because of an inability to carry a tune or be on key. But why can’t I sing on Christmas in a church?

Every year I find myself struggling with this question. Take a song like Handel Messiah. The one that goes “And he shall reign for ever and ever, Hallelujah.” (I always like that booming base part) It holds a warm and fuzzy place in my memory. When I was in high school choir, this was the final song of the winter concert. Alumni were called up to sing with the choir. There is a nice picture of my brothers and me, all 50 or more pounds lighter, singing together in the high school auditorium. Together we sang a booming “And he shall reign for ever and ever, hallelujah”.

Fast forward, 10 years and it’s Christmas Eve. Jen, her father and I are attending services together. I stand whenever everyone else stands, I wish people a merry Christmas when they wish me a merry Christmas and I light a candle when everyone lights a candle. But through responsive readings and songs, I remain silent.

Here I am, a Jew in an interfaith marriage. I have a tree decorated with dreidels and I’m attending Christmas services. One thought is I’m trying to be different. I may be in a church, but I’m trying to remember I’m Jewish. If I don’t sing the songs, I’m not taking part in the service. There is nothing more awkward then being the only person in a room not going up for communion. But I don’t want to fit in, I want to cling to the idea that I’m not Christian and I don’t want anyone to think I am.

There have been so many times in my life that I have been surrounded by or confronted with the question, “Why don’t you believe in Jesus?” Missionaries used sit on the corner outside my middle school and hand out bibles. My mother was not amused when I brought a King James New Testament bible home one day. Maybe it’s the years of protest I have built up inside of me, the constant explaining that I’m not Christian.

Another thought that crosses my mind is that songs take on a different meaning inside a church. They become prayer. However, I was taught a prayer isn’t what you say, it’s what’s in your heart. And in my heart, this is just a song. As a Jew, I don’t believe Jesus is the Messiah and I’m not sure if I believe there is even a historical Jesus.

Jen’s response to all this is, “I understand why you wouldn’t want to pray in a church, but I just want to hear your voice.”

Christmas Tree: Christian image or secular holiday?

Let me start by saying and if I remember correctly, Jen was always going to have a Christmas tree. For me, it was more a matter of Jen understanding what that meant because I wanted the points. Often early in …

Finding a Religious home

Jen

One of the decisions that we have struggled with in talking about religion is deciding on the type of religious community we want to join. In a perfect world, it would be great to be active members in both church and a synagogue, but realistically, we don’t have the time or money to be active members of multiple houses of worship. In fact, Keith’s parents have been active members of the same synagogue for more than 35 years. Both of our parents served on the boards of directors. My dad taught Sunday School and my mom played the bells in the bell choir. Keith’s parents were part of the many organizations including the young couples club. (His parents and their group of friends somewhat jokingly still refer to themselves as the young couples club, even though they’re all in their sixties.)

I have fond memories of volunteering with my family to repair houses in Western Maryland as part of a week-long church youth trip, enjoying spaghetti dinners and talent shows, and eating homemade ice cream at the church’s annual Strawberry Festival each summer.

Keith has equally fond memories of growing up as a part of his synagogue community, such as helping his parents run the games at the Purim carnival every year, building and decorating a sukkah during Sukkot, or always being on call to start a minyan when needed.

The common thread in these memories is having a special bond with other families who were members, making friends at our houses of worship, and having almost everyone stop and say hi  and ask how we were doing after a service or other event. If we didn’t attend for a while, people would notice! (Which is both good and bad, I supposed.)

I think that both of us hope to one day have our family be part of a community like that with our children; to be more involved than just going to services every now and then. Both churches and synagogues have a great history of giving back to their communities, which we both value. However, where would we join? A church? A synagogue? An interfaith place of worship? That depended on how we wanted to raise our children, which resulted in a number of very difficult discussions, which every interfaith couple who wants to be involved in a religious house of worship needs to have.

In the end, we agreed to raise our future children in the Jewish faith for a number of reasons, including that it would be easier for me to be involved in their religious upbringing than Keith be involved in their religious upbringing would be if we raised them Christian. I look forward to the day where I have a religious house of worship that feels like home to both Keith and me.

Been a While

Keith

I have to admit I forgot about the blog. As with most hobbies, life happens. The biggest update is that Jen is pregnant, with Triplets!!! Ok, just kidding. Jen at this point is 6 months pregnant with a baby girl. Hearing the heart beat is one of the happiest moments of my life. Right up there with marrying my best friend and getting an extra fortune cookie last weekend.

After talking with some friends, we decided to pick this up again. Now that baby Jellybean is on the way, there is so much to plan for. I look forward to sharing.

PS Jellybean is nicknamed from one of our weekly baby updates. After we heard she was the size of a jellybean the name stuck. Or as Jen’s aunt calls her, Princess Jellybean Mirowitz.